The California Bar Exam
With a pass rate of around 50%, the California Bar Exam is notoriously one of the toughest bar exams in the nation. The pass rate is significantly lower for repeat takers and even less for those who have been out of law school for an extended period. Additionally, the pass rate for applicants from higher-ranked institutions is higher than those from lower-ranked institutions.
At the time of my taking of the examination, there were 18 subjects, conducted over the span of 3 days. The test took around 8 hours each day. The examination takes place only twice a year, and it takes 3-4 months to receive the results.
The pass rate for someone like me for that particular year was 31%. To compound matters, my law school had a pass rate of 13% at that time.
Dismissed from Law School
I had started law school in the fall of 2008. After completing three semesters, I was dismissed from school in the spring of 2010. This was based on a “foundation point” policy, which required me to obtain a certain grade in a specific class. Unfortunately, I fell short by only 0.1 points, leaving me just one foundation point shy of meeting the requirement. For all intents and purposes, my overall GPA was not failing.
On the day I received news of my administrative dismissal from law school, I had a meeting with the Dean. He explained that the school’s policy was based on the probability of passing the California Bar Exam. The school was going to take a year and a half’s worth of tuition and dismiss me because they didn’t believe I could pass the exam.
When I inquired about transferring my units, the Dean expressed surprise and suggested I choose a different career path. He made it clear that it would be highly unlikely for me to pass the bar exam – ever.
I was filled with a sense of shame, anger, embarrassment, and grief. Instead of allowing myself time to process what happened, I immediately reapplied to a different school. I transferred some of my units and eventually graduated in the Spring of 2012.
Heartbreak and Bar Exam Prep: A Tough Combination
It was the day of my final exam, and it marked the end of my academic journey. I had two weeks before studying began. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me. The news was unexpected, and I was consumed by my heartbreak. The last thing I wanted to focus on was studying for the bar exam.
THE BLUEPRINT FOR SUCCESS FOR THE BAR EXAM
Having the right mindset is crucial for success of any kind, and the bar exam is no exception
Despite the odds, I successfully manifested passing the California State Bar exam by: 1) believing I would; 2) setting clear intentions, 3) taking inspired action, and 4) surrendering to the Universe.
Believe in yourself
Believing in yourself is the first step in achieving your goals. You must believe you are capable and deserve to live the life of your dreams. This means letting go of limiting beliefs and negative self-talk that may be holding you back. Despite the odds, I chose to channel my disappointment into a driving force to pass the bar exam.
I was told repeatedly it would be highly improbable for someone in my position to pass the bar exam. It was difficult to find anyone who shared my faith in my abilities. Though misguided, I was dead set on proving everyone wrong.
Setting clear intentions for the Bar Exam
The next step is to set clear intentions and visualize yourself already living the life you desire. It’s important to feel the emotions associated with achieving your goals, such as joy, gratitude, and excitement.
Visualization is like daydreaming with purpose. It helps you experience the emotions associated with your manifestation.
It’s important to note that visualization is not the same as fantasizing. When you visualize, it must be specific and in line with your strengths and abilities.
By harnessing the power of visualization, we can implant false memories in our brains. Visualization releases dopamine and creates new neural pathways in our brains that help us move towards our goals.
Visualizing with Gratitude
My secret to successful visualization is to approach it from a place of gratitude. Visualize with the full force of gratitude behind it for having received my manifestation. My feelings of gratitude effortlessly multiply time and time again.
I often found myself visualizing a point in the future where my manifestation had come true. Specifically, I am standing at a podium in my alma mater as a guest speaker. I share the story of my dismissal and how I proved the naysayers wrong. During this visualization, I shake hands and engage in conversations with students who, like me, faced similar challenges.
These visualizations evoked a sense of pride, accomplishment, gratitude, and joy. Without a doubt, the strongest feeling was that of gratitude. I felt like a first time bar passer who had defeated the odds only to live to tell the tale with hopes of inspiring others. I was so grateful for everything I was about to be so grateful for.
Taking inspired action
The most crucial step in the process is the third one – taking inspired action. Without action, you are just wasting your time daydreaming. Take steps towards your goals that both align with your intentions and bring you closer to your desired outcome. Trust your intuition and take action from a place of inspired motivation, rather than forcing yourself to take action out of fear or obligation.
The dismissal from law school left me determined to pass the bar exam on my first try. I sought advice from individuals who had both passed and failed the exam, including friends of friends. I was grateful for the insight and knowledge they shared with me. It seemed everyone was cheering me on, and those who weren’t quickly vanished from my life. With the help of my supporters and insight into the exam, I felt well-prepared to tackle the exam.
Everyone I spoke with stressed the same thing—put in the work and the hours of studying. Forget about your social life—it will still be there after you take the exam. Be selfish with your time and energy.
I happily curated an 8 week schedule and stuck to it. I began the 8 weeks by studying 6 hours a day and quickly worked my way up to 14 hours a day.
Managing Bar Exam Anxiety
With studying well underway and the bar steadfastly approaching, axniety started to creep in and became my faithful companion. At some point, I found my brain oversaturated with information from studying 18 subjects. It quickly led to sheer panic.
To ease my anxiety, I searched the internet for websites that predicted which subjects would not appear on the essay section of the exam, as there would be six essays in total. After conducting my own research and collaborating with study partners, we all agreed that Corporations was the subject least likely to appear on the exam. As it turned out, we were right.
It’s not to say I didn’t study Corporations, I just devoted the least amount of time to this subject than I had other subjects.
LEAVE IT UP TO THE UNIVERSE
Before I knew it, the bar exam was here and I went into the exam feeling I had given studying my absolute all.
Over time, I’ve learned to trust that the Universe will come through for me. Condition yourself to believe that something even better is on the way if something doesn’t turn out the way you envision. During the bar exam, every time I asked the Universe for something, it happened. I knew the Universe had my back and I was destined to succeed.
When making a request of the Universe, it’s essential to approach it with unwavering confidence. In fact, it’s more than just an expectation – it’s a “knowing” that it will come to fruition. Absolutely every time I asked the universe for a stepping stone at the time of the bar exam, I was provided with a bridge. The bridge would solidify my faith in myself and my role in the Universe.
Recognizing Synchronicities
During those three days, the Universe bestowed its blessings upon me and I was grateful for every little synchronicity that came my way. These were all indications that everything would work out in the end. Although I won’t delve into every detail, I will share the most significant one.
In an effort to alleviate my anxiety, I woke up at 4 a.m. on the final day of the bar exam to review a subject I wasn’t entirely confident about. I wished to avoid seeing that subject appear on the essay portion of the test; but, at the same time, I wanted to ensure I had a solid grasp of the material in case it did come up.
A study mate wanted to run questions together on a different subject and when we couldn’t come to an agreement, we went to our respective corners and studied until we walked together to the test site. As we walked to the test site, I remember her constant criticism of me for choosing to study Wills and Trusts. I almost let her conviction get the better of me, but I focused on my breathing in an effort to tune her out.
I took my seat for the last time and as I read the essay prompts, I could. not. believe. my. luck. There it was—exactly what I had just brushed up on. The bar exam was literally asking me the freshest material in my mind. Not only was it the same subject, but it was the same exact topic and I could still see my notes in my mind’s eye as I started typing my answer.
Surrender to the Universe
I stepped into the bar exam on the first day, confident that even if I didn’t pass this time, I would certainly pass the second time around. But as I walked out of the exam hall on the last day, a strange feeling washed over me—I just knew that I had passed. I attribute my success to the countless hours of studying I had put in, combined with the Universe working in my favor. While I may not have known everything on the exam, I was certain that I knew enough to pass, and that was all that mattered.
On my way home from the test, another examinee and I realized my grave mistake. I answered an entire essay question in accordance with federal law, instead of state law (or vice versa). Essentially, I used an entirely different set of legal principles to address the essay. I was aware that a strong analysis could still earn points even if the answer was technically incorrect.
A moment of panic struck, but only for a second. I reassured myself that I had given a suitable legal analysis, even if it was based on the wrong law. Deep down, I knew I would earn the points I deserved and felt confident about my other areas of expertise. After that brief moment, I put it out of my mind for the next three months while waiting for the results.
I also did not discount all the signs, synchronicities and messages the Universe had given to remind me that everything would work out.
OVERCOMING SELF-DOUBT
The exam took place in July but we had to wait until November to get results. Over the next three months, I was able to heed off any anxiety and was confident that I had passed. That is, until results week came and I found myself nauseated.
The anxiety and panic started to creep in. The doubt I had staved off crept in with the weight of the past three months behind it. What if I had been wrong? What if I hadn’t passed? What if I had to study again for another 3 months only to wait for results that would take another 3 months to arrive? The agony. The pressure. My god, the pressure. Nearly 12 years later, and I still shudder at the thought.
Having self doubt is absolutely normal and you mustn’t be hard on yourself when it starts to creep in. To overcome self doubt, it helps to have a strategy, preferably put in place before it creeps in—not to say you can’t overcome it even if you don’t have a strategy in place prior.
Self-Doubt is Normal
Understand that self-doubt is normal and make room for it. Don’t be hard on yourself and don’t think that self-doubt is one and the same with unbelief. It’s not! You won’t self-sabotage if you find yourself sitting with self-doubt, as you inevitably will. Self-doubt is completely normal and part of being human. It is hardwired in the way our brains work and with the right mindset, you can rise above the self-doubt. In fact, self-doubt is a sign of humility. Without it, you would just be cocky.
Come results week, I knew it was absolutely normal that I had self-doubt. All my friends and colleagues who were waiting on results were right there with me and it helped knowing I wasn’t alone.
Monitor self-talk and limiting beliefs
Monitor self-talk and negative beliefs, but don’t judge. Use the self-doubt as an opportunity for growth. Remind yourself that the self-doubt or the fear of the unknown is our brain’s way of protecting us. Sit with the narrative and try to understand where it comes from. When we self-doubt, it is usually because we are afraid we will be wrong or that we made a mistake. Be kind to yourself and remind yourself over and over that self-doubt can be overcome. Remember you are your own biggest critic.
When I started kicking myself for not at the very least beginning to brush up on some subjects, I was quick to remind myself that was my mom talking and not me. When I started to doubt my capabilities, I reminded myself that wasn’t me—it came from all the people who had shown so very little faith in my abilities. I reminded myself I was more than capable and I had been confident I would pass up until results week. This was just normal self-doubt.
Consider the Facts
Consider facts. Look at the facts, numbers, feedback, and past achievements. Remind yourself that you are absolutely capable and think back of all the times you have succeeded.
When doubt crept in, I reminded myself, logically of the likelihood of my passing the bar exam. I reminded myself of the countless hours I spent studying, and how I was performing well above the average on practice questions and essays. Additionally, I knew more than I didn’t know come exam time. I had issue spotted appropriately and provided a sufficient answer despite using the wrong body of law on one essay. The results had already been tallied. The decision was already made. I had already passed and nothing could be done in a week at the tail end that would change my pass to a fail.
Come up with a Plan B
Plan B. I find that having a Plan B does wonders for quelling self-doubt. You are essentially telling your overprotective ego, “Hey don’t worry, I have a way around this if it doesn’t work out.”
Passing wasn’t something I just wanted–I needed it for my financial stability. I could financially afford to take the exam one more time before having to take out a loan to continue my studies. As such, early on, I knew I would allow myself a total of two cand if I failed, the only option left would be to take out a loan to continue my studies.
I had set a limit of two attempts to pass the bar exam. If I failed this time, I would take the bar exam one more time and if I still didn’t pass, I had decided to pursue a career in real estate.
Attitude of Gratitude
Gratitude is alchemy–the more you are grateful for, the more you realize you have to be grateful for. With that attitude, there is literally no room in your brain for thoughts of self-doubt as you can’t have thoughts of gratitude and self-doubt at the same time. Gratutide leaves you feeling: “It will be all right because all is right.”
Having a gratitude practice is incredibly helpful and is something I practice daily. I reminded myself pass or fail, I had a job to wake up to, a free room at my mom’s house, and a law degree at the end of the day. It was easy to find a positive and build from there systematically.
WATCH YOUR MANIFESTATIONS COME TRUE
When it came time to check results, I wanted to do it alone. My mom and sister were waiting downstairs though they had asked to be present. I checked and based on my screaming, they didn’t know what had happened. As they ran upstairs, I was in tears and literally shaking because I had passed.
Despite feeling confident that I had passed, the moment was still surreal. It’s a memory that is beautifully preserved in my mind and I recall thinking I wish I could bottle the feeling. And so I did just that – I’m able to tap into those emotions to this day, and I’m grateful for the entire experience.
Once I passed, everything unfolded as I had imagined. I immediately found a decent job considering I had graduated during a recession. I was quick to work up the ranks at the law firm I had been hired and I spent the next ten years cultivating a legal career I am proud of—one that paid more than just the bills and allowed me to meet some truly incredible people.
Several years into my legal career, I was asked by my alma mater to speak before its Board of Trustees. It was an exhilarating experience to finally have the chance to deliver the speech I had practiced all those years before in my head. It was the perfect full circle moment.
BE CLEAR ON WHAT YOU WANT
I reluctantly put my legal career on hold after being diagnosed with leukemia. The stress of work and motherhood was too much to bear. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made and it felt like I was forced to close that door. It wasn’t until that door closed and I was well on my healing journey that I was able to be honest with myself.
Becoming a lawyer was never my dream—it was always someone else’s and I was just trying to live up to the expectations of my family. I now wonder if being dismissed from law school wasn’t the Universe’s way of trying to guide me in a different direction. I look back and my “dream” of passing the bar exam was misguided in that I was trying to prove something to others—that I was capable of passing. It would take 12 years before I realized I was always capable of doing whatever it was I set my mind to and to stop looking for external validation.
These days, I find myself working on different dreams—ones that are entirely my own, even if I am not entirely sure what those dreams are on some days. I give myself grace and I am grateful for the twists and turns life has taken—the ups and downs—to lead me to this moment. The journey towards healing can be a long and winding road, but it is one that is worth taking. It allows you to grow and learn more about yourself, and ultimately, to become a better version of yourself. So, even on the days when I am feeling lost or unsure, I remember to be grateful for the opportunity to pursue my own dreams and to heal from the inside out.
